"Ooh is your boyfriend cute?"

"His dog is cute."

On Friendship...

"No worries Will..next time life gives me lemons.. I'll throw them at your face."

On College Dorms

"Ugh. I have a room inspection.

So much to clean."

"Why don't you just get room service?"

"...What an odd scenario. I was expecting strippers in this conversation."

"Well she's just a rainbow."

"Hey, where in the store can I find Raid (insecticide)?"

"The animal care isle?"

"He is so dick."

"And I was about to say 'this shit is too high tech for me' but I held back."

"How long should I steep your tea?"

"Huh? What does that mean?"

"Do you want it light or dark?"

"Dark. I want it dark dark."

"Don't procrastinate!

Your teeth are rotting!"

"I want a hot guy to buy me tampons  T _______T

omg that should be a quote for like a dating website:

Looking for tall hot guy, with short pants to buy me tampons."

"LOL

Hot guy does not have to wear short pants in my book."

"It's an aquarium at your fingertips!"

"'Cause chicks these days like to look like they own a bakery on their hands."

"I knew it wasn't just one story in that giant book."

"I wonder if I'm obese on the inside."

"A Li's character is just cute.

A lost rich boy."

"You know in real life, people call that a bum."

“You should have used her toothbrush to clean the floor.”

“EW LOL.”

“OMG that’s the smartest thing you have ever said.”

"If it looks like a bitch and it talks like a bitch…"

"It’s a bitch!"

"Congratulations! You’ve just earned an MBA in Bitchography."

“Oh, thank you, thank you!”