"But what does he do?""

"I dunno...he's old."

"its like mars or whatever is the love planet has been shitting on everyone this summer"

"Yes. 

He's cute, fat and lazy.

    Only acceptable in 2D lol"

"But yeah I'm going to sleep.. just wanted to let you know the world ends tomorrow. you know.. it was nice meeting you. see you around."

On Makeup...

"L'oreal doesn't make my shade of brown."

"Sharpie?"

"So...how old are you?"

"20."

"Yep. I'm still old."

"I got designer bags under my eyes."

"Evolution is a lie. The Bible is right."

"Pics or it didn't happen."

"Aw you look really cute today!"

"Okay."

On Navigation...

"Yeah, at least living in New York helped my sense of direction."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah...wait are we going the wrong way?"

"Are you really white?

Lemme just scrub that off for you."

On Astrology

"You know you've gotten fat when the stars tell you to work out."

"HAHAH Hell yeh I'm a cougar, I seduce little kids in the pediatrics.

   They blow me kisses yehh."

"But it was $30 less.

It was like God telling me to buy it."

"Yeah, I always say 'It was meant to be,' if I need to convince myself to buy something.


Like if it's the last one in my size...IT WAS MEANT TO BE."

"Since you can't come tonight, you can have a bottle and celebrate by yourself! - We'll call you to have a toast!"

"Ooooh M&M's!

Control yourself!"

 "I should be Mormon. Apparently they don't drink coffee either."

"That's not a big enough reason to be Mormon lol."